The insanity of buying a Mother's Day gift

Here's a handbag for your troubles, mom.

“What do you want for Mother’s Day?” My husband asked me the other night and I froze, because it might be the most loaded (if well-intentioned) question of all time.

From Farmgirl flowers - my favorite online flower shop

Here are several possible responses I’ve come up with since I told him I would overthink about it.

Nothing

• Because it would take time to sit down and make a list.

• Because it feels weird to make a list?Is Mother’s Day Christmas?

• Because somehow (is this dramatic?) it feels like I’m supposed to want nothing.

A massage

• Because I’m tired!

A pedicure

• See above

A day away from the kids

• But wait I’ll miss them

A day with my kids

• But only if they don’t whine

I’m getting nowhere fast with this list.

Another question: how am I to engage with all the Mother’s Day gift guides now flooding my inbox? I find myself torn when I come across them. Partly I’m disgusted at capitalism for pouncing on any and all opportunities to make us shop. I’ve sat in meetings where the team was like, “so what should we push for Mother’s Day?” and the answer was usually some stuff that moms might actually like, but also some stuff we just really needed to get rid of. My job was to convince people their mom would really love last year’s pants. Ugh.

But also, I like gift guides! They’re helpful. As a person with a mother, I appreciate some time-saving suggestions on how to show her a little love.

The hilarious part of all of this, of course, is the idea I could repay my mom with a handbag. Guys, this day is fraught for so many reasons!

The reasons

• I’d love to not make dinner on Mother’s Day. But then who’s making dinner for my mom on Mother’s Day? Should I do it? Probably!

• Some people aren’t Mothers and that can be really tricky. I have been there and I did not like it.

• Some people had bad Mothers

• Some people have lost Mothers

• Some people don’t want to be Mothers. Who is Hallmark to assume??

For such a complicated holiday, it’s a good thing we have all these gift guides. Okay but less cynically, maybe it’s the effort that matters?

I wondered this last weekend when my adult siblings gathered for a weekend to celebrate my parents’ upcoming 50th anniversary. We’ve been planning this thing for a year, had grand hopes of writing a song for them and making all the meals so my Mom wouldn’t have to lift a finger. In the end, it was all we could do to get (almost) everyone there for a two-day stretch of time. Every one of us took multiple naps during the trip, and I still woke up one morning to my mom having made me a breakfast sandwich. We could not pay them back! We are too tired because of our own kids!

So I think the best thing to do, if you want a great Mother’s day, is become a mother but not let your kids have kids so they have time to celebrate you.

That’s a joke. Kind of.

Seriously though, let’s think through some woefully inefficient but still nice things we usually get for moms.

There are the gift guide-y gifts (bags, jewelry, skincare), the thoughtful but free gifts (write her a haiku, give her a coupon for 5 minutes alone) or of course, flowers. In my family the famous story is that my mom had her first baby ON MOTHER’S DAY! And my dad disappeared for hours after she gave birth and she was kind of mad but then he came back holding a single rose; the only flower left in the entire city. I love this story so much. But I digress — what am I missing in the Mother’s Day gift category? Hit me with your gift guides!

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Since starting this newsletter I have realized how wholly motherhood shapes my purchase decisions. I feel self conscious that what I share is almost always linked to my motherhood. I feel like a broken record, I feel uninteresting, I feel badly sharing it with childless friends who I know want kids.

And yet, this is the reality of being a mom. Shouldering the burden of one million purchase decisions.

I was talking with a friend yesterday and figured I’d ask what her family does for Mother’s Day. With a smile and a total lack of resentment she said: “I usually go in with low expectations.”

!!!

I have smart friends.

And that isn’t a dig at husbands, or Society or whatever, it’s just, I think, the reality of this great and terrible thing called being a Mom.

So what do you want for Mother’s Day? I want to hear! Even, or maybe especially if it’s not what you expect to get.

Great stuff I don’t need and am trying not to buy

This yoga mat scrunchie by Bala. A lifetime ago I was co-workers with Bala’s founder Natalie, and it has been such a delight to watch her brand explode. Everything Bala makes is beautiful and female-focused and has a sense of humor. If I was still in that long ago lifetime, where I did yoga at a studio for hours a day, I would be adding to cart immediately.

New Baggu prints for summer. I really do have a problem! But also, these prints!

Just Ingredients protein powder. Everyone’s telling me I need more protein, and maybe this is just the latest health trend but I also feel like I mostly survive on empty carbs and am hungry all day (there’s motherhood again). My stomach demands a non-whey protein powder and I was all set to get this one but then I realized it’s $70 for 20 servings and my jaw is on the floor! Is this price normal? Is it worth it? Do you have another plant-based protein I should try? Do let me know.

That’s it for this week!

xo,

rebbie