A bittersweet trip to Disneyland and what everyone needs to make the most out of their visit
While I was emotionally conflicted, physically I've never been more prepared for fun
We were in Disneyland last week with my mom, my brother and his family, and my sister and her family. It was a bittersweet trip — our first time going to one of my dad’s favorite places without him. He passed away in August, and one of the hardest parts of the grieving process has been trying to learn how to enjoy activities we used to do with him now that he’s not here. Some of our fondest memories of him are from Disneyland, where he loved the quirky rides, the snacks, the people-watching, and the time spent with his family.
I cried nearly the entire week before we left. Prepping for a family trip is always stressful, but this time the anxiety was coupled with dread and guilt. I dreaded being there without him, I dreaded seeing the rest of my family sad, and I dreaded not knowing if we’d be able to find any joy in this journey. And I felt guilty anticipating that we might actually find that joy. But we — my mom, my siblings, and I — knew it was something we needed to in order to start figuring out how to live our lives without him. Just like we needed to celebrate birthdays and Christmas. We needed to make some room for joy, even though that joy sometimes feels like a betrayal.
Once on the property, we all cried through the Jungle Cruise, his favorite ride, and as we ate the Mickey ice cream bars, his favorite treat of all time. His absence was nearly unbearable and we had some moments of profound sadness. But there were also many moments of joy. Joy without guilt. And I like to think he was an active part of that joy and that in some way he witnessed his family race around the park, fitting in as many rides, and as many Mickey ice cream bars as we could.
While preparing for the trip was emotionally conflicting, logistically we were well-equipped to make the most out of this milestone visit. We’ve been so many times together as a family that we now have Disneyland down to a science.
And we’ve learned exactly what we need to bring to make the most of our visit.
Good shoes
On our first day at the park, we walked 25,000 steps. I did it in Adidas Gazelles. Which held up great. But the next day I knew I needed more arch support so I opted for the Ultraboosts, which have a more athletic shape, and are surprising water-resistant even after a big splash.
Good socks
Elastic-forward No-show socks will not do. I tried some Stance no-shows and ended up spending $30 on socks in a gift shop. And you know what? They’re great socks. Albeit Minnie mouse themed and pretty ugly. I’m pretty sure they’re just white-labeled Feetures, which are my favorite socks for running, and now, for theme park attending. They’re comfortable and cooling and don’t slip. So get Feetures before you go for half the cost of the gift store.
A small cross-shoulder bag
This is, admittedly, not great advice for parents of babies who will absolutely need a diaper bag. But parents of older kids who are in the ride-as-many-rides-as-possible mindset, as mine are, will want a much smaller and hands-free bag. I have the PomPom London bag and have taken it all over the world and to Disneyland a few times. It’s held up great. It fits credit cards, my phone, headphones, and a portable charger no sweat. But if you’re less concerned with the aesthetics and care only for functionality, there are plenty of nondescript, affordable crossbody bags available.
A portable charger
Any time I return from the promised land, people ask “Was it crowded?” Yes. It’s always crowded. It’s Disneyland. That’s what makes it a challenge. And in my opinion, the only way to avoid becoming overwhelmed by the crowds is to purchase lightning lanes. Managing lightning lanes means reserving them through an app. That same app allows mobile food orders, which I also highly recommend to avoid waiting in restaurant lines. These two uses combined make for a lot of app usage, and if your phone dies halfway through the day, you’re sunk. So I always bring a portable charger.
A stroller
Even if you believe your kid is too old for a stroller. I did not think my six-year-old, for example, would need one. Until I witnessed how slowly he walked through the airport. Then I was grateful that my mom had insisted on bringing an extra stroller because walking at his pace through Disneyland would have been agony and or a potential lost child situation. There’s ample stroller parking in the park, and a stroller is a great place to store sweatshirts, water bottles, and the inevitable toy purchases.
As an aside, I’m sometimes asked what age people recommend taking their kids to Disneyland. Some advocate for taking toddlers to see the joy on their faces when they meet Mickey or ride Dumbo. And I think that’s great if you have the money for it and are okay with that toddler not remembering any of it. If memory retention is important to you, however, I would say at least 5. This is the first time we’ve gone with my youngest that he’s been enthused about the experience and talked about his favorite rides and he’s 6. But I also haven’t had a kid care about meeting the characters. In fact they have all been terrified of them. So the real answer is no one knows, it depends on the family, go when you want.
A (temporarily) different relationship with your money
A little bit of a dissociative relationship with your money maybe? In real life, I’m an avid budgeter. At Disneyland, I refuse to track spending. Which I know is privileged. But I set aside money so I don’t have to fret about every purchase while we’re there or feel too guilty if we get swept up in the magic and walk out of the park with ears and a lightsaber. If I were there more than once a year, I’d certainly get smarter about bringing in snacks and drinks and exercising souvenir shopping discipline. But I’m not so I won’t.
An understanding that there will be highs and lows
And not just when you’re grieving. Our lows this last visit were a very specific type of low that follows loss. But everyone should expect lulls and frustrations. I think that we sometimes expect vacations to be perfect and full of one lifelong positive memory after another. But the making of memories comes from peaks and valleys.
There will be times during your Disneyland visit when the crowds feel too dense. When you can't get a lightning lane for another two hours. When you run out of energy because all you’ve eaten is empty carbs for the past two days. When you miss your dad. Embrace it. Because the only place to go from there is up. And after a couple hours things will get better. Maybe you’ll eat a piece of fruit and drink some water. Maybe you’ll catch a show on Hollywood Street in California Adventure. Maybe you’ll take a minute to sit with and honor your sadness.
On our last night, my daughter and my mom rushed to get soft-serve from one of my dad’s favorite spots. But by the time they arrived at the kiosk, it was closed. When I caught up with them both they were crying. And then I was. And together we stood in the middle of California Adventure crying, remembering my dad. Feeling grateful for the memories we had with him, and devastated that we were making new ones without him. But then, as we headed for the exit, we talked about how lucky we are that we get to remember him there, and how lucky we were to do so many fun things together. “He made everything more fun,” my daughter said. And she’s right. He did.
And I think the best thing we can do to remember him is to try and have fun again. So we’ll be back soon, and next time we’ll get the soft-serve before closing.
What Rebbie bought this week
Another pair of CRZ YOGA Butterluxe High Waist Wide Leg Pants. Last fall I tried out almost every version of CRZ non-legging pants while updating my athleisure drawer. These are by far my favorite, and I find I’m reaching for them often when they’re in the hamper — hence a second pair in navy.
I’m not sure they’re a convincing dupe of Lululemon’s Align stuff, but they are really comfy and thread the needle between pajamas and clothes. Soon after I got them, I found myself needing to attend a weekend conference after months of not working and forgetting entirely about zippers, and the thought of real pants was too much. So I wore these! With this outfit? And I think I maybe kind of looked work-appropriate?
What Meg bought this week
Planters and watering globes to keep baby seeds happy. I like these transparent three-in planters so I can watch with excitement as the seedling roots appear. I bought small watering globes, which release water when the soil turns dry, for the seedlings and large globes for my already established house plants because sometimes I can get a little negligent and too lazy to water and I don’t want my flaws to prevent my plants from thriving.
I’m doing an on-camera interview next month and so obviously, I’ve been making some panic purchases while trying to decide what to wear. I think I’ve landed on the Free People Rumors denim jacket in ivory over a fitted black tee and a black Jenni Kayne skirt. Is that wrong? I’m confident this plan will change at least five times until the interview, though. I also want to wear a great pair of glasses. Any suggestions on good frames?